Ok so I think that I did a solid job performing. For only 8 weeks of prep time. The house was full. I closed the show. The audience clapped for a long time. I had a dozen or so friends come to support including a past mentor and close friend of mine whose style of performance has influenced me a lot. I used a lot of physicality in my show which I had learned to do in her class. After the show, all my friends were coming up to me, hugging me, congratulating me and telling me how strongly I had performed. When my mentor approached me she didn't look me in the eye, barely hugged me, said "we should talk", and then left. I burst into tears on the spot.
Today, I told her I needed space and to not contact me. She wrote back all confused and upset. I pressed delete. I am hurt and pissed. This was my first time performing a very unfinished, very new piece on a very difficult subject matter. You don't treat someone coldly like the way she treated me right after they perform. I feel very re-traumatized. I cried in my bed all afternoon. It should have been a very healing, successful evening for me. I don't want her in my life at the moment. I'm trying to focus on the positive things.