Thursday, December 16, 2010

Inspector reassigned

Days in Storage: 210

I called the Sex Crimes Unit today to follow up on my case. I spoke with an inspector who wasn't my original inspector. He explained that Inspector C***** had been reassigned. Then he went on to say that my rape kit was sitting on a shelf somewhere in Northern California but that my suspect's DNA was still on the shelves at SFPD because my original Inspector forgot to include it with my rape kit. He said that it would eventually make it's way up to Northern California but he couldn't say when. He said that it would eventually get there though. I hung up the phone and stared out my window. I don't know why I even bothered to call. I thought about the rapist and wondered if he had raped any other women.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


Today, I attended Bioneers. I listened to an Indian woman, Mallika Dutt speak about her domestic violence against women campaign called "Ring the Bell."
Her campaign was very savvy and smart but I wasn't touched by anything in particular and instead felt numbed by the statistics. I guess I wish I could have heard more from the victims who have been affected. But that is rare. To hear victims speak out when the violence itself is going on behind closed doors.
I went home feeling like I did it in me to speak out about my rape. I could create a performance about it. Or do something. Anything!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Creepin on a look-a-like

I was walking from my car to the bank today and I was behind a guy that I thought might be the suspect. He was with some of his bros. My heart started thumping, then it felt like I turned into an auto-pilot robot. I followed them for several blocks to try to get a better look at the guy's face but he wasn't turning around. After four blocks I interrupted the guy and his bros and asked for the time. When the guy turned around I felt my jaw clamp down.
"It's 3:18," he said.
I smiled. "Thanks."
It wasn't the guy. This guy wasn't as handsome as the man I remembered. His nose was more rounded. Maybe he was taller too? I think? I don't know. I started feeling confused and panicked. Like spinning out. You're not gonna find him, Heather. Give it up.  welcome to the joys of PTSD.