I fled the SF today. Well, almost. I stayed at my friends last night and planned to meet her at my aunt's timeshare in Napa. But in order to get there I had to go through the city. I took the backroads, certain that I wouldn't cross any stragglers from the race.
In front of me, a neon dressed group drunkedly stumbling along a street corner. One of the girls was barfing. Two guys nearly walked into oncoming traffic. My vision completely blanked. I pulled over to the curb, gasping for breath. inhale, exhale. 10 minutes passed and I was able to drive again. I made it to Napa. I didn't tell my friend about what happened. I felt ashamed that I would be having this type of reaction.
It's been a year. My rape kit is still on a shelf. The suspect could have targeted another victim today. I watched a movie with my friend in a napa timeshare suite but I honestly don't remember what it was. I kept spacing out and re-entering the fragments of this day a year ago.
I feel Numb.
Blank like those first three seconds
when you wake in the morning,
when absolutely nothing fills your mind.
I talked with my friend about blah blah blah and her family while eating organic chicken and mashed potatoes in the bouge restaurant.
Hours later, after she fell asleep, I started shaking in my bed.