Friday, April 29, 2011

Busback Flash

This evening I was driving back from the city. I entered the tunnel right before the golden gate bridge and switched lanes. I was behind a bus. The bus back read in fluorescent green lettering Bay to Breakers 2011. Before I even finished reading, I spontaneously vomited all over myself and swerved into the next lane. So gross! I pulled off at the vista lookout and opened my door just in time to vomit again. oh joy. I tore off all my clothes and mopped up the vomit on my seat and steering wheel. I sat in my car in my bra and underwear and blasted the heat, completely hazed out, watching tourists come and take night photos of the cityscape. Omg, will this shit ever go away?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Post Show *%@**&

Ok so I think that I did a solid job performing. For only 8 weeks of prep time. The house was full. I closed the show. The audience clapped for a long time. I had a dozen or so friends come to support including a past mentor and close friend of mine whose style of performance has influenced me a lot. I used a lot of physicality in my show which I had learned to do in her class. After the show, all my friends were coming up to me, hugging me, congratulating me and telling me how strongly I had performed. When my mentor approached me she didn't look me in the eye, barely hugged me, said "we should talk", and then left. I burst into tears on the spot.
Today, I told her I needed space and to not contact me. She wrote back all confused and upset. I pressed delete. I am hurt and pissed. This was my first time performing a very unfinished, very new piece on a very difficult subject matter. You don't treat someone coldly like the way she treated me right after they perform. I feel very re-traumatized. I cried in my bed all afternoon. It should have been a very healing, successful evening for me. I don't want her in my life at the moment. I'm trying to focus on the positive things.