4th of July read-through with Gabrielle

Today I met Gabrielle at her loft and read her my draft. She said it’s good but it might be too long as your voice was like, "dead by the end." I promised her it was from the tail end of my cold. She asked me a lot of questions about parts of the story that weren’t clear. She mused on particular parts of the story that could be brought to life theatrically especially the part about the inspector trying to sway me from pressing charges against the suspect. Her husband Robert (former defense attorney), came home so she asked him to come into our meeting. She asked him enact being the mock defense attorney and cross question me. He launched right into a barrage of questions that left me stupefied and backed up against a corner. Everyone agreed that we had to incorporate this somehow into the piece. As we were wrapping up, Jonathan's girlfriend, Morgan, stopped by. She showed us a blue dress she had found on sale for $20 bucks at Nordstrom rack. Gabrielle asked her if she knew anyone in college who had been raped. She said she only knew one girl but that she thought that a lot of women didn’t speak up about rape in college. Then we talked about dogs. G told us about Kim, a police trained german shepard that was given to her because Kim hated working with policeman. G was walking Kim when a man in a car flashed a knife and exposed himself to her. He told her that if she wanted to live, she knew what to do. G said, "my dog will fucking kill you." Before she even had a chance to command the dog, Kim had knashed right into the man’s leg and didn’t let go for several blocks as the man tried to run away. 

It's Fourth of July so I met Chaela and her BF back at her BF’s parents place to watch the fireworks on the rooftop. As they first started to spray over the Hudson river, I became teary-eyed. I thought, holy shit Heather, you’re doing it. You’re like, an artist. This is what you’ve always wanted to do and it’s happening. So be grateful to yourself and everyone who had supported and believed in you along the way. Just stop and take it all in.

The writing flow

I've been writing nonstop for the past five days and checking in with my director daily. She was worried I was writing the next American Novel. I promised her that I was a slow, ADD writer. Writing about the rape from a current voice was provocative for me. There was a lot of anger that came up and confusion about what to do with that anger since the event had happened two years ago. I had a dream where I was vomiting and barfing non-stop. I also wondered about what my rapist was up to now. And a lot of not really caring since so much time had passed. I got to a point where I just couldn’t write anymore so my director said, send me your stuff! I sent her the first four pages and said a prayer that she liked it. She left me a voicemail, saying, “it’s great heather, it’s really great.” I was on the subway to harlem when I heard her vm. Flood of relief. I knew she was a tough critic. 

So I was planning to back to San Francisco to sublet my place and tie up some loose ends before coming back out to NYC. But my director said, I don’t really see why you would break up your flow right now. You are in a great writing groove. If you need your violin just have it shipped or better yet, just rent one. 

My friend Chaela and her boyfriend had just moved into a new place in Harlem and offered me their extra bedroom at a reduced rent for a couple months. I said, fuck it, let’s do it. I just bought a bed. I have three dresses, three pairs of heels, about three changes of clothes, and my computer. I guess I'm set for now.

Meeting at Gabrielle's apartment

Yesterday Chaela and I went to yoga. The new york yogis do not fuck around and my muscles were shaking in 5 minutes! I met Gabrielle in the afternoon. She lives a few blocks from Union square. She came shuffling down the long hall of her modern loft in her plush gold-flowered maroon slippers and wearing all black. I felt like a fat cow compared to her thin, gaunt frame. Her well styled black hair was pulled back into a bun. She told me that she had been reading my piece and that while it was a beautiful writing it was not theater. She also said that my character has no transformation and that people go to theater to be transformed. She said, “as of right now, this piece leaves me no room to direct.” Then she said, “you know if you don’t mind, let’s get right to work, ok?” She set me up on the couch and her assistant sat with us. She told me to just talk about the rape with no filter, no censor, as if I was telling it to a friend. So I did for 20 minutes, looking mostly at the director's assistant because I was so nervous. Gabrielle stopped me at some point and said, "ok, hon. You need to go and find your voice. I see the framework and you fill the frame with your voice. Not the voice of the dazed, disassociated woman in post traumatic shock that your original piece is written from. The voice of the Heather now. The feisty, transformed, vulnerable, humourous, woman who had the bravery and courage to write this piece." She gave me some suggestions of what that voice would sound like. She said either you can write it on your own or we can do this back and forth together. I told her I would think on which approach worked better for me. She gave me a hug and we agreed to be in touch.

I rushed home and changed into my most “New York” outfit ($20 bucks at Ross) to meet up with Jan and Suzette at their friend's brownstone on the upper east side. I came home and stayed up until 4am talking with my Chaela about my piece, about rapists, about what I'm trying to say, about how much I've changed since the last time I've written, about what the director wants me to do.

Today, I spoke with Gabrielle. She said, "Heather, I’ve thought about this arrangement of us working together. I think you need to just write on your own other wise I am going to take over. Not because I want to but because that’s just what will happen. So go to a coffee shop or to the park, you’re in a new city, that can often be good… and get to work. And keep it quick and short. Lots of lists. Humor. Terse. That is the voice I am looking for."

I cannot believe I am rewriting my piece. From the beginning. But here I go into the flow of writingland...

NYC baby

So I was very unprofessionally laid off from my teaching job a week ago so I have no job come this September. Awesome. Why not head to NYC and visit my good friend Chaela and hang out with Jan until she heads to Israel this summer. Suzette was also going to be in NYC and since the Jan and Suzette were going to be out of town for the summer, I figured it would be good to try and meet with both of them before they headed off and discuss next steps. Plus Gabrielle said she would meet with me while I was there. I flew standby and barely got on. The attendant had me waiting down the walkway with the rest of the plane boarded until the last second when I was rushed into business class. I arrived into JFK in the early AM today it was already 80 degrees. A girl in a tye-dye told me to take the train to Penn station. An hour later I was at my best friend Chaela’s boyfriends parents place on the upperwest side. I texted the director that I was in NYC and then passed out for 4 hours. When I got up I knew the exact place I wanted to be. The room filled with Monet’s waterlilies. Unfortunately, I picked the wrong museum and ended up at the MET. Still, the African/Oceanic Art collection was awe-inspiring. 75 foot slit gongs used for villages to communicate from island to island. It was also pride. There was a tranny give a tour. “So ladies and gentlemen, here is yet another modern art piece by yet another white man, are there any other kind?” Gabrielle called me and we agreed to meet on Monday afternoon the 25^th. Now I am really hot and jetlagged and need to get some sleep.

Pre-workshop jitters

Tomorrow is the workshop at Suzette's. I have been running through the show 3 times a day. I can do the piece in my sleep. It's nauseating to say my lines but they are so much more in my body than they were for March 17th.
Since Jan's workshop, there have been some exciting developments. There is a reputable documentarian who is interested in possibly creating a documentary about the progression of my piece from a victim to an activist point of view. She will be filming the June 4th workshop. I do not know this world at all but I trust her; she is a fellow Brandeis parent (a school I used to teach at) and a friend of Jan's. I am a bit intimidated at this audience but I keep having to remember that I am just telling my story, getting it out there, speaking up.

Chance Performance for Gabrielle Roth

Today I performed my piece for Gabrielle Roth. She is the creator 5 Rhythms, a dance practice that I've been doing for 8 years. My friends Lori Saltzman and Kathy Altman - who have been teaching her work since its inception - were telling her about my show. G said she was interested in seeing it. Lor and Kath called me yesterday and asked if I was available. I had a tech rehearsal scheduled for my upcoming show but I immediately rescheduled it and said, "Uh yeah! Just tell me when and where." I knew Gabrielle has been involved in the New York theater scene for most of her adult life so I was excited to get some feedback from her. My friends drove me to her small apartment in Mill Valley that she keeps year round. There was a trampoline in the shared yard. It couldn't have been a more perfect way for me to warm up and burn off some nerves. I performed for her while she hung out in her bed. Afterward, she, like most people who have seen my show, was appalled at how my rape had been handled. She said that the writing was well done but that it wasn't theatrical writing. She said that she would be in touch with her feedback but that she needed to think it through some more. Then she told me to come and lie on her bed with her. She gave me a hug and said, "I'm so sorry this happened to you, baby." I ran back to Lor and Kaths and printed her a copy of the script. My friends returned as well and said, "Heath,  She's interested in working with you if you can make it to New York this summer." I texted Gabrielle and said I was definitely interested. Oh man, if I can perform my piece for G, then I won't have any problem performing for the impressive list of invites on June 4th!

Bay to Breakers year 2

A year makes a little difference. Two years makes a lot of difference, especially with all the work on my story that I have been doing. Today I knew that I needed to stay out of the city. Period. I wanted to go over and hang out at Jan's but I didn't want to risk it at all. I stayed on the other side of the bridge. I went for a long walk around Phoenix lake. I had band practice.  We are trying to find a new drummer which is sooooo fun. Today the candidate was wearing those webbed toe shoes and talked about being big on meditation and toyota prius's. No matter how talented a musician, band dynamics and chemistry is everything. Needless to say, the search is still out.