Ok,whoa. I dunno if I was pmsing or what but before the show tonight I broke down crying in my car. Our call was at 6. And from 6 to 6:30 I didn't stop crying. It was a deep, thick cry. From my bones. It actually felt great. And I wasn't thinking anything while I cried. Actually once I thought, thank you, heather. thank you for keeping going.
Jessica and my ex boyfriend, John came to the performance. Jessica loved it. She said that she felt "my voice" or more a flavor of me. I felt surprised. I didn't really feel like me at all. But I was thankful for the compliment. John said that I could be more vulnerable and not make so many jokes. He said, it doesn't need to be funny all the time. Rape is not funny. I agree with his direction.
I sat in my car after the show thinking and staring up at the glowing street lamp. This style of performance that Martha is trained in, which is very stand-up comedy based, is not quite right for me. I need humor but I also need someone who can direct me to depth and vulnerability. Who can I approach to help me direct my piece?